Never had a Dream Come True (Re-Worked)
by Eire
Summary: This is a story I wrote and uploaded a while ago, although I like the story there were some things that needed re-worked, so hopefully hear is the new and improved version, please read and review


Never had dream come true 

  
Disclaimer : Roswell is the property of the WB, Jason Katims and Melinda Metz, trust me if I owned them M&M would be much happier no nasty Destiny or Courtney exists in Eire land. Ok, going of in a tangent now, I don't own anything, enough said ). The memories of them being children and a couple of references such as cheesehead and pixiegirl I have borrowed from Kara & Emily's Roswell Elementary series (hope they don't mind). The lyrics are from Sclub7's song Never had a dream. The poems Forgotten, Letting Go and Destiny Rewritten are my laughable attempts at poetry, but the poem You were Always There is by Zac and it said everything I wanted to say but couldn't find the words to, it is an immense poem, please send feedback.   
  
Setting : Future Fic (Way in the future *g*) Michael has died and the other have to cope with the bequests he has left behind   
  
Couples : M&M,   
  
Rating : PG   
  
Spoilers : Mentions of the first season.   
  
Feedback : Please, pretty, pretty please, this is an idea, that just came into my head and wouldn't leave, I'd really like your views on how it turned out   
  
  
________________________________________________________________________

  
Chapter 1 – Goodbyes and Sorrow

Maria stood as still as possible feeling the wind blowing gently against her neck. 

As she stared forward towards the coffin she felt her eyes start to sting with the unshed tears she had been storing for the last couple of days.   
  
"Maria" she felt Max place his hand on her arm and whisper into her ear "Maria"   
  
"Maria, Maria" she could almost feel the way he used to say her name, sometimes tinged with exasperation, other times tinged with a certain kind of wonder   
  
"Maria" Max said more sharply   
  
Maria turned startled to see the eyes of the congregation upon her, as she looked over she saw that flowers had been laid on the coffin.   
  
Unbidden the memory came to her of the stories her Mama used to tell her about flowers and their secret meanings, as she scrutinised the flowers she decided she probably knew who had lain each one.   
  
A posy of Amaryllis (Beautiful;timid & proud) was the first to catch her eye, lain down by Tess she guessed, in respect of the brother she had never really known. 

As beautiful now as she had been in her teenage years, she still held herself with pride and dignity but underneath, well she knew Liz would disagree with her but Tess did have a certain timidness and insecurity about her, built up through her time separated from the other three and in particular due to her upbringing with Nasedo.  

Although Kyle had spent many years trying to change that, there was still to this day a certain insecureness about the fragile blonde, you just had to look through the steel core to find it.   
  
The posy next to that was a small wreath made up of Acacia (Secret love; elegance & friendship) it had Isabel written all over it. 

There had always been a strong bond of love between them. 

Although it was not the passionate kind of love that Destiny had once foretold they would feel, it had nevertheless always been a strong force between the two of them. The friendship he had shared with Iz had always been something Michael treasured, she knew that that feeling had been reciprocated in Isabel. 

Isabel like Tess had retained her beauty, in fact, if anything the years had given her even more elegance and grace than she had possessed in high school, yes the Accia was a perfect pick for Isabel.   
  
A small posy in a heartshape made up of Cornflowers (Delicacy; refinement) lay next. 

Liz, the epitome of Delicacy and refinement, is the only one who could have picked that. Even putting the flowers aside the heart shaped arrangement had Liz written all over it, it was simple, subtle and different. 

Although she hadn't shared the bond with Michael that Max, Iz, Tess and Maria had, she had loved him, Liz had always had enough room in her heart for all of them. 

The heart symbolised that, a sign to show Michael that although she might not always have agreed with him, and his treatment of Maria had angered her. She had loved him nonetheless, her's had been the easiest of them all to guess, no-one else could say so much with so little.   
  
Maria was taken aback at the next set of flowers.   
  
Kyle had chosen not to lay a wreath. He felt that it would have been hypocritical.

That was just like her brother Maria thought, she realised that Kyle had held a lot of anger against Michael and she knew he was only there today for Tess and for her. 

Who would have thought, her and the Chia head, brother and sister, her mum and Valenti together, but he had made her happy and in the last couple of years after her death, he had been Maria's strength, she would always love him for that. So that only left Alex and Max.   
  
It was a small wreath made up of Cedar (I live for you; think of me). This was a statement of Love and dedication. After a couple of minutes puzzlement Maria finally figured it out. 

Max.   
  
In his own way he had lived for Michael, for all of them, in some ways he was probably feeling this even more than Maria herself. 

He had always been strongly connected to the three of them, he had been their leader, their protector and they had so rarely thought of him, choosing to believe he was being autocratic and overprotective they never once saw that he was doing it because he loved them so much. 

None of them, not Tess, not Isabel and certainly not Michael had ever realised how much Max loved them and now it was as if a part of himself, of who he was had been ripped away. 

Despite his love for Liz; Maria knew he would trade places with the body in the coffin in an instant if it meant having Michael back, whole and healthy.   
  
The last posy was Alex's, Maria smiled as she looked at it even if she hadn't worked her way through the rest of them she would still recognise the bearer of this one. 

A small wreath made up of White Lilacs (Youthful innocence) and Sunflowers (Splendid) the posy summed up Alex in every way. 

Still filled with the same youthful exuberance and vigour that he had as a teenager, he had now with age developed a mature kindness that made him even more of a pleasure to be around than ever.   
  
Maria looked down at the last posy to be placed, her own. 

A handful of Red Tulips (Declaration of Love) mixed with baby's breath. 

In one way or another Maria had been declaring her love for Michael all of her life, from her first cheesehead insult session in 5th grade to the last time she had whispered the words in his ear while she held him. It seemed only fitting that she reaffirmed it in the end.   
  
Maria broke out of her repose. It's strange where your mind takes you when you are trying not to think about something, if her friends had known she had spent the last few minutes analysing their flowers they would really start to get worried.   
  
Maria smiled gently at Max to let him know she was ok, as he let go of her arm she moved towards the coffin and placed the final posy on top backing away she saw the coffin slowly lower into the ground.   
  
While she tried to maintain her calm façade for her friends, inside she felt a voice start to scream brokenly. 

It screamed for lost love, lost chances and broken hearts. 

As she walked away from the graveside flanked by Max and Liz, Maria continued to hear the voice scream inside her, and wondered when, if ever it would stop.   
  
**************************** 

Chapter 2 – The Legacies   
  
   
  
"I'm telling you Max, she isn't up to this, she hasn't spoken a word since the funeral.  Two days without speaking, two days!  Do you know how strange that is?  Maria never went two minutes without speaking before.  She won't come out of that room, she barely sleeps, barely eats and now you want her to go through this"   
  
"Liz, honey, I understand what you're trying to say, but it's important, Michael wasn't the planning type, he certainly wasn't the type to have a will, so the fact that he made one, and the fact that he requested us all to be there IS important"   
  
"No. Look, I miss him too Max, but right now my priority is Maria and I'm telling you she isn't up to…"   
  
"Liz" Maria's voice broke into the argument 

Liz turned round and saw her friend framed in the doorway

"Look Liz as much as I love you, both of you, you are really going to have to stop deciding what I am and am not capable of"   
  
Liz looked at her friend and observed the circles under eyes and the tired pallor of her skin.   
  
"Well, no offence 'Ria but the last couple of days, you haven't been, well you haven't really been capable of making any desiciosns."   
  
Maria smiled and noticed some of the tension go out of Max and Liz at the sight   
  
"Look, I know I've been kind of spaced out the last couple of days, but Max is right.  Michael wouldn't have left a will if he hadn't had something to say and I for one would not miss that for anything, now I'm going to get ready, you two go ahead with the make up smoochies"   
  
Liz smiled and hugged Maria, "You sure you're okay Hon?"   
  
"I'm fine, well I'm not fine, but I'll get there, trust me"   
  
As Maria turned and headed up the stairs Liz slipped into Max's arms   
  
"She'll be okay you know"  Max murmered as he stroked Liz's hair gently  
  
"I know, it's just, I don't know if I could handle what she's going through right now" Liz replied.  
  
"Me neither" Max replied sadly "But Maria always was stronger than most, that's what made her such a good match for Michael"   
  
"Too bad he didn't realise it" Liz said with a small trace of bitterness in her voice   
  
"He did, he just wasn't good at letting people get close, he did love her Liz, I know that's hard for you believe after what he did to her, but he did"   
  
Liz smiled sadly "Do you think she knows that?"   
  
"I hope so, I really hope so" 

As Max felt Liz's arms tighten around him, he relaxed into her embrace.  

As they stood there both hugging a little harder than normal, they both wondered what it would feel like.  

To have a part of you ripped away, to lose that one person, that knew you better than anyone, that loved you no matter what.  As they continued in the tight embrace they both knew that they never wanted to find out.  
  
  


**************************** 

  
"Well, Mr Evans, I would like to thank you and your friends for coming today, I realise that this is a hard time for you at the moment, but I will try to make this as painless as possible"   
  
The lawyer surveyed the room, he was good at reading people and he could feel the closeness that this small group had, he shook his head sadly.  So young, too young to be facing this tragedy, as far as he knew they were the same age as Mr Guerian when he died and he had only been 34. A terrible tragedy.   
  
"Ok, on to today's business, Mr Guerian prepared his affairs quite well and all funeral and burial expenses have been taken care of, in addition he has left the remainder of his estate to be divided equally amongst the following people. Maria DeLuca Valenti, Maxwell Evans, Isabel Evans Saunders and Theresa Harding Valenti. The net worth of his estate after death dues and taxes was $12,769.55 which gives each of you the sum of $3,192.39.   
  
Now on to the personal requests. We will start with Mr Valenti"   
  
Kyle looked up startled "Me?"   
  
The lawyer smiled as he handed Kyle an envelope, "Mr Guerian asked me to make sure you understand the importance of what he has bequested you, he stated that of all bequests being given today, this,  was his most precious possession"   
  
Kyle took the envelope "Is it ok if I open this"   
  
"Go ahead Mr Valenti"   
  
The others watched as Kyle opened the envelope and took out two pieces of paper, slowly a smiled creased his face   
  
"Well, I'll be damned" he whispered.

Kyle looked at the items in his hand.  The first thing out of the envelope was a picture of Maria, creased and wrinkled with age. It must have been taken while they were all still in High School. 

Her hair was worn long and curly, he remembered teasing her about that just after their parents married in their senior year. He had been convinced that she had grown it again for Michael, they all remembered the obsession that Michael had had with her curls in Elementary school.  

She was laughing up at the camera, and her eyes were filled with mischief, it was quite simply Maria DeLuca at her very best, looking over at the second item in his hand he found his bequest. 

A scrap of notepaper with the words "Take care of her for me.  Please"  written in Michael's distinctive scrawl. 

Kyle continued to smile as he carefully put the pieces of paper back into the envelope and placed the envelope in his shirt pocket. 

"Always, Guerian.  Always" he whispered softly, certain that somewhere Michael Guerian was waiting and listening for this vow.   
  
"Ok, the second bequest is for Elizabeth Parker Evans." the lawyer smiled kindly at Liz as he handed her a leather clad book "He says the title will mean more to you than it does to me"   
  
Liz took the book and opened it to the first page. Scrawled on the front was the title Envying Max Evans.

Liz flicked through the book in wonder.  It was like looking at the story of her life.  

Page after page of beautiful drawings.  All of her and Max, and the last ones of her Max and their daughter Beth. 

"But where did he get all these" She asked Max "I mean I know he drew them but how?"   
  
Max smiled as he looked at the book, "My guess is your annual picture Christmas card, I guess that's what he based them all on, the poses he must have come up with on his own"   
  
Liz smiled "He had so much talent" she said clutching the book close to her chest   
  


The lawyer smiled and looked down at his list ready to move on.

  
"The next bequests are for Theresa Harding Valenti and Isabel Evans Saunders"   
  
The lawyer went into his case and removed two pieces of paper each incased in an oak picture frame.

"Michael asked me to tell you that this is everything he would have told the two of you, if he'd been able to string together two words without sounding like a ..." the lawyer cleared his throat before continuing. "I believe the term he used was 'a weak doofus'. 

He also asked me to mention that he hopes you don't mind the fact that you both got similar presents, and he wanted to ensure you that there are certain, important  differences"   
  
Tess and Isabel stepped forward together and took the frames out of the lawyers hands. 

Each went silent as they looked at the gift in front of them.   
  
Isabel made the first move opening her note and bracing herself to read the last words Michael had to say to her.   
  


~~~~

  
Dear Isabel   
  
Ok how to explain the picture you are looking at. 

The poem is something I wrote during our Destiny era, I know I used the word era go figure, well anyway it more or less sums up, everything I felt and still feel during that time and now. 

God I hate trying to say things, it never comes out right I guess what I'm trying to say is,

I'll miss you Issy.  

Through everything you were my rock, the poem says everything I wish I had thought to say to you. 

I don't regret the fact that we didn't listen to Destiny, we would never have made good lovers, you would have nagged me to death within a week, that's it, keep laughing, Issy, you're never more beautiful than when you laugh. 

We were never meant to be lovers, family, that's what we were and what we will always be. 

I love you Isabel.   
  
  
*** Michael   
  
~~~~

Isabel smiled through the tears as she finished the note, as she dried the tears at the corner of her eyes, she looked down at the picture frame.

Isabel examined the borders of her parchment.  It seemed like in every place she looked there were drawings of her chronicling all the major events in her life. 

One of her as a scared 6 year old, holding out her hand to Michael a small smile on her face, one of her smiling at Alex while dancing at their first formal prom, one of her on her wedding day to Cameron. 

Everywhere she looked there were different pictures, all interlaced with her name in elaborate scroll weaving in and out of the differing times of her life. 

Isabel could feel the now all too familiar tears pricking the back of her eyelids as she turned to the words in the middle of the parchment.   
  
_Destiny Rewritten   
  
They say lover's we were meant to be,  
But I say, that cannot be,  
When I look at you I see no sirens song,   
Just a girl who guided me along,   
protected me from harm and woe,   
helped me get where I had to go,  
Sister. Sibling.  Equal.  Friend,   
A family that Destiny can't break or bend,   
these words make more sense to me   
Not lovers, not you and me  
We were destined to be family_  
  
  
By the time Isabel reached the end of the poem the tears were streaming unchecked down her face. 

Just as she felt the sob break free from her throat, she felt warm arms go round her.   
  
"Shhh, Issy, it's ok, It's ok" Alex gently rocked Isabel in his arms as the sobs slowly subsided   
  
Tess watched the scene with a growing sense of trepidation, she wasn't ready for this.  She didn't think she would ever be ready for this, the growing panic inside her started to reach a fever pitch and she glanced quickly at Kyle looking for some direction, some guidance.  

As her eyes met his, she felt the panic start to subside.  His strong and loving gaze managed to do what nothing else could, she felt a gentle sort of peace enveloping her, as long as Kyle stood there next to her, she knew nothing could hurt her.  At his gentle nod, she looked down at the envelope in her hands.

With slightly shaking hands she opened up her envelope.

She wondered momenteraliy what Michale had to say to her. 

She knew Michael wouldn't be deliberately cruel, but they had never managed to have the relationship she had hoped to have with him and deep down there was still so much insecurity inside her when it came to family. A part of her knew that the trpadation that had been inside her a moment ago wasn't just about reading Michaels last words, it was what those last words may be that was worrying her.

Bracing herself Tess looked down and began to read the letter.   
  
~~~~

Dear Tess   
  
Ok where do I start, there were so many things I always wanted to say to you but something always got in the way.

Now, well now I finally feel free to say now all the things I wanted to say to you but never did. 

The first thing I want to say, need to say is.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the fact that I left you behind, and I'm even more sorry for the way I behaved when you came back. to us.  

All my life I searched for family and then when it appeared I not only ignored it I openly dismissed it. 

I blamed you, I blamed you for Destiny, I blamed you for Isabel's hurt and for Maria's. 

I never stopped to think for a minute that while trying to protect the 2 people I loved the most, I was ignoring one person who deserved my protection just as equally.  I failed you.  Failed to protect you from hurt, failed to see your side, failed to be the brother I was supposed to be. 

I know we have grown closer in the last few years and for that I am grateful. But I still felt that I had to finally give you the apology you deserved all those years ago, so here it is. 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for any and all harsh words that went between us, I'm sorry for not giving you the protection and the love you so richly deserved, and I'm sorry for not being the brother you needed. 

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me little sister, I love you, now and always

 ****Michael   
  
~~~~

Tess brushed the tears forming in her eyes away quickly before anyone noticed them, she laughed silently at herself. 

Even after all these years Nasedo's lecture on weakness still rang loud in her ears, she turned to the picture in the frame. 

The borders were similar to the ones she had noticed on Isabels.  She felt a surge of warmth as she noticed this.  

The most amazing things about this gift was it's similarity it beared to Isabels, her on the same level of Isabel in Michaels eyes.  

She wondered if that had been part of Michaels reasoning when he made these gifts.  

She turned back to studying the bequest. 

She smiled as she saw a picture of herself as a child, a picture Michael must have drawn from memory.  A picture of her at the Senior Prom dancing with Kyle.  A picture of her on her wedding day.  A picture of her holding Amy the day she was born.,  Her breath caught as she noticed a picture at the bottom.  

Her, Michael, Max and Isabel.  All together and all smiling.  Underneath she saw the words in elaborate scroll.  The four corners, placed together, the way it should have always been.  She smiled as she finally turned her attention towards the poem in the middle.  Just as she had expected it was an extention of his earlier apology.     
_  
Forgotten   
  
I left you there in the cold and dark,   
I left you all alone   
I wanted to start my journey there and then,   
I wanted to find home _

_  
So all alone you emerged,   
helpless, lost, calling out my name  
I knew you were there, deep down I knew,  
but I left you there all the same   
  
_

_Through the years I felt you with me,   
your presence was so strong,  
I always knew you'd find me,   
I always knew you'd come   
  
_

_But when you came, no welcome,   
no hugs, no joy, no home   
All you found was blame and anger,   
once again I left you all alone   
  
_

_I wish I could change the past, dear sister   
and eradicate your fears   
I wish I had not forgotten you,  
or lost you for all these years   
  
_

_But now little sister, now I remember,  
forgotten you are no more   
And now we live, together at last,   
family for evermore.   
_  
  
Tess felt the tears slip down her cheeks. 

Forgetting completely Nasedo's arguments about weakness and vulnerability Tess felt herself start to sob.  As she turned and buried herself in Kyle's arms, she refused to feel ashamed of her tears. 

What did Nasedo know anyway? he wasn't family.  Michael had been family and she would grieve for him.  Grieve for what she had lost and rejoice at what she found

  
The lawyer cleared his throat the sadness in the room was now almost overbearing 

"Do you want to take a break or would you like me to continue" he asked politely   
  
Max looked round the room seeing the almost imperceptible nods from everyone 

"No" he replied "Please continue, the sooner it all over and done with, the better"   
  
The lawyer nodded and looked back down at his piece of paper, "Ok, the next Bequest is for Mr Alexander Whitman.  

Mr Guerian asked me to tell you that he wasn't sure what you give to a computer software mogul who has everything. He figured that this piece of advice was as close as he could come to it" The lawyer handed over a small envelope.   
  
Alex stepped forward and opened the envelope, as he took out the slip of paper he started to laugh.   
  


~~~~

  
Alex   
  
Take it from someone who knows, when you find something that good, you don't let it go Don't leave with regrets, tell her how you feel.   
  
  
***Michael   
  
~~~~

Alex smiled as he put the letter away, he looked over at Isabel, she was sitting on a chair comforting Tess. 

Michael was right, they had lost years because he had been too afraid to tell her how he felt.  He would tell her, not right now, at the moment they were all too raw but the time would come, after they had all finished grieving, he wasn't going to have any regrets, he wasn't going to let her get away twice.   
  
"Ok, we have only got two more bequests left, Michael specifically asked me to leave Miss Valenti's to the last so the next one is for you Mr Evans"   
  
Max took the envelope out of the lawyers hands, for a moment he was almost too afraid to open it. 

He was afraid that Michael was going to tell him exactly what he already knew in his heart.

That this, all this had somehow been his fault, somehow, somewhere he had let him down.   
  
He should have been there, it was his job to protect them.  He wasn't supposed to die, none of them, it was up to Max to ensure that didn't happen.  But despite years of care despite the protections they had put around themselves it had been for nothing.  Michael was gone.  Taken from them by something so commonplace.  He hadn't been taken by alien hunters, or the FBI, but by a driver with too much to drink and too little sense, and somehow it still felt like all Max's fault. 

Sighing quietly, Max opened the letter and slipped out two drawings. He recognised the first as Himself, Michael & Isabel as children, holding hands. The next picture was of the four of them this time as adults, again holding hands, he started reading the notes enclosed.  

~~~~

  
  
Dear Max,   
  
I wrote this letter seven times.  

I don't know what to say to you.  Anything I do say feels like it would be too little.  

I guess the best thing I could say is, I'm sorry,  for so many years I blamed you for being yourself.  I always wanted what you had, look at Liz's book and you'll see what I mean. 

I guess another thing I should say is Thank You.  At the end of the day, you always looked out for me Maximillian and I know right now you're beating yourself up right? Well don't, you didn't fail me, not then and not now, whatever happened I couldn't be saved, at the end of the day I think it was me that failed you. 

See you on the other side.   
  
  
***Michael 

  
   
  


~~~~

  
Max smiled as he slipped the note back in the envelope, for someone who pretended to be clueless Michael always knew just what was going on inside all of them.   
  
He took out the first drawing again and looked on the back.   
  
_Letting Go   
  
I shouldn't have let go  
I tell my self over and over   
But it never changes anything  
We should have been together   
Me, the girl with the pretty smile and the boy with the sad eyes   
they are my family   
Will I find them?   
So many questions   
Do they understand why I break things?   
Do they understand why I cry?  
Do they understand why I search the skies?   
Why did I let go?   
  
  
Michael Guerian Age 7   
_  
(I wrote this after I done the drawing, it was in one of my foster homes and I drew you and Isabel by memory, I just thought you'd like it)   
  
Max felt a burning sensation in the back of his eyes.  

He remembered those long lonely months, he remembered Issy crying in the dark for the boy they had lost and he remembered their combined joy of finding him again the day they started 4th Grade. 

After placing the picture back in the envelope, he withdrew the last one, the one with the four of them, four square. Four equally separate and different parts each making a perfect whole, not the way Destiny had written it, but in their own way. 

He wondered how things would go now with one corner of the square missing, not just a couple of hundred miles away, but gone forever. Max turned over the drawing and started reading the last message he would ever receive from Michael.   
  
I found this on my travels and it summed up, how I think myself, Isabel and Tess perceive you, Maximillian.   
  
_You Were Always There by Zac   
  
Whenever I needed someone to talk to   
You were always there.  
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and   
You were always there.   
There was no time when I had doubt to come to you because   
You were always there.   
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.  
  
  
Whenever I was down and blue   
You were always there.   
No matter my problems, and what was wrong   
You were always there.   
Whenever I felt like nothing matters   
You were always there.   
  
  
Now your gone, and I don't know what to do   
I close my eyes and think of you, and how   
You were always there.   
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you   
Can you hear me now   
At night I pray, and I speak to you   
I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were   
You would always be there.   
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye   
Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you One thing I will always say is   
You were always there.   
_  
  
Like I said Maximillian, you never let me down, Take Care Bro 

~~~~  
  
Max placed the last picture in the box and wondered what the congregation around him would do if he broke down. He had seen the glistening of tears in Liz's eyes as she had received her gift and he had watched Isable and Tess break as they received theirs.  He loved Michael as much as they had, so why couldn't he let go, let the tears come and be comforted by Liz as they racked his body and took away some of the pain that was buried so deep inside him.  Why couldn't he?

Deep down he knew the answer.  He was Max, the rock, the leader, if he broke they wouldn't know what to do, but right now, he didn't feel like a rock, he didn't feel like a leader, right now he just felt like a confused and scared boy who had lost not only his brother but his best friend.   
  
He walked over to Liz and sank into the chair next to her. 

Liz seemed to sense the disturbance around him and placed her hand on his shoulder, it didn't take the pain or fear away, but as always, her presence and touch soothed him.   
  
"Ok, well we just have one more item to bequest and then I can prepare the final papers.  Miss Valenti, this one is for you"   
  
Maria looked up, she had been preparing herself for this the whole time she had been in the office, she had watched each of the others collect their bequests and she had watched the emotions flicker over their faces, she had seen their joy at receiving the last gift they would ever receive from him.  She had seen the grief and confusion as they wondered over the uniqueness of their gifts.  

She had also watched their resignation after it was over. After they had finally finished reading or viewing whatever final message Michael had given them.  She had seen the resolution on their faces and she knew that they had now accepted that he was gone.  That he wasn't coming back, Michael's final gist had been just that, final, it had concluded matters, they were now able to move on.. 

Maria knew she wasn't ready for that finality.  She could still hear the voice screaming inside her, and it wasn't ready for this final step, to finally accept that it was over, that he was gone.  But she had to, everyone was already viewing her with such concern, she knew she had to do this.  
  
Maria mustered her strength and stood up heading towards the table. 

Before her resolve could falter she took the box that was being handed to her. 

It was an old box about the size of a shoebox, as she started to lift the lid bracing herself to face the contents, she was startled to hear a voice stop her   
  
"Umm, Miss Valenti, I.., well it was Mr Guerian's request that you open the box outwith this office. 

In fact he said he would prefer if you did it alone and in your time, he said you would prefer it this way"   
  
Maria felt the relief wash through her. Michael knew her too well, he would have known that she wasn't ready to face this, not yet.   
  
"Well then" the lawyer stated "It would seem our business is concluded, I wish all of you the very best and hope that you can now move forward from this tragedy, I will prepare the final papers and send them directly to you Mr Evans"   
  
Max nodded "Thank you for all your help and assistance Mr Beadsworth"   
  
The lawyer smiled kindly "It was of no trouble sir, I hope that if we ever meet again it will be under better circumstances"   
  
Max looked around the room, is everybody ready, at their nods of assent Max headed towards the door, slowly, one by one they all started to head out.   
  
Maria turned round just before she left "Umm Mr Beadsworth?"   
  
"Yes Dear?"   
  
"When did" She took a deep steadying breath "When did Michael plan all this?"   
  
Max turned round, needing to hear the answer as much as Maria   
  
the old man sighed   
  
"I was actually hoping you wouldn't ask that, but very well.  Michael came to me on the morning of June 25th. He said he wanted to get his affairs in order in case he ever had to leave in a hurry. He wanted to be able to say his goodbyes, he gave me all of this information and those bequests and told me what he wanted done with them. That was it, then he left"   
  
"June 25th? of this year?"   
  
The lawyer nodded "Yes"   
  
Maria shook her head "But that was.."   
  
"The day he died.  Yes Miss Valenti, it was almost as if he knew"   
  
Maria smiled "He probably did, Michael was full of surprises, well thank you"   
  
"You're welcome my dear"   
  
Maria turned and faced Max   
  
"You ready?" Max asked gently   
  
"Yes" Maria replied "Let's go"   
  
************************************************   
  
Chapter 3 - Resolution   
  
Maria hummed along to the radio as she did the ironing, as she glanced up at the clock, she smiled. 3p.m almost time for her daily call from Max.   
  
They had grown closer over the last couple of months. They had even started to regain the close bond they had formed before Destiny had changed their lives.   
  
When Michael had took off after Graduation. Maria had pushed both Max and Liz away, it had hurt to see them so happy when she was missing Michael so much, over the years she had stayed friends with them but they hadn't had the same closeness, especially since she knew Michael was still in contact with them.   
  
She had never asked though she hadn't wanted to put them in a position. 

The last few months though since his … since the accident, they had grown closer again and for that she was glad. She had missed them.   
  
She know they were worried about her, they felt that she wasn't letting go or moving forward. 

Deep down she knew they were right, the screaming inside her had continued over the last couple of months, sometimes becoming louder than she could bear and she still hadn't been able to cry.   
  
She glanced over at the windowsill and saw the small box lying there, in the same place that had been since they had returned from the lawyers office two months previous.   
  
Putting down the iron she walked towards the box. As she lifted up the lid thoughts started to climb unbidden into Maria's mind   
  
"What did you want to say Michael, what will I find in there? 

Apologies. Excuses. Reasons. Goodbyes. 

"Why didn't you call, if you knew what was happening, why didn't you say goodbye properly"  She asked the quiet room  
  
* Ring Ring *   
  
Maria slammed down the box lid startled.   
  
Compsing herself quickly Maria crossed the room and picked up the handset

"Hello Max" she said, smiling as she pictured the person on the other end of the line.   
  
"Hey, how did you know it was me?" Max said   
  
"It's 3p.m" Maria replied "You always call at 3p.m.  So how are my 3 favourite people in the world? I hope that goddaughter of mine is looking forward to a visit from Auntie Ria"   
  
Max laughed "Of course she is, we all are, so how's things"   
  
**********************************************   
  
Maria hung the phone up with a smile after what seemed like a 2 hour inquisition from Max, Liz had finally broken in to tell her the good news. Alex and Isabel had just got engaged.   
  
Maria was happy for them. Alex had been pining after Isabel for years and after her disastrous first marriage Isabel deserved some happiness. Maria felt her smile fading as her eye caught the box on the windowsill again.   
  
Before she could stop them she heard Max's final words to her on the telephone. She had been talking about her visit to Michaels apartment, talking about Michael, his art, his bad taste in clothes, his hair gel when Max had started talking to her in a gentle tone of voice.   
  
"He's gone Maria. You realise that don't you?  He's dead and he isn't going to come back"   
  
"Of course I realise that Max, I'm not a child, he's…. well he's gone"   
  
"Dead Maria" Max repeated "He's dead, He's not coming back"   
  
"Look Max I get the picture, look I've got to go" Maria replied, she could feel the word rattling around in her head, mocking her, dead, Dead, DEAD.  
  
"'Ria, look" Max said his voice growing softer "I know I'm being cruel, but I hate seeing you like this. Michael would have hated seeing you like this.  You have to accept this and you have to move on"   
  
Maria knew Max was right Michael would have hated her being like this, but she didn't know what she was supposed to do.  It was so hard.  Hearing the screaming voice inside her day after day, she didn't know what else to do.

Before she could stop and let herself think about it, Maria headed over to the box.

She had put it off long enough, it was time she saw what Michael had left her.   
  
Maria picked up the box and headed over to the armchair.  

As she felt the softness of the chair close around her Maria took a deep breath and opened the box. 

There were only three things inside. 

A Sketch book, Michael silver ring and pile of letters tied by a ribbon. 

Picking up the ring Maria studied it, she remembered it so clearly.  She had got it from him for her birthday.  A small silver ring with 5 small diamonds arranged in a V shape, made to represent the constellation from which they came.  The inscription inside was simple.  

'Sometimes the stars are closer than we  think – M' 

She had adored that ring, from the minute she had slipped it on, she had felt automatically closer to him.  She had flung it at him during their last final row.  The day he had told her he was leaving Roswell, leaving her.  She could still hear the hateful words she had said to him that night as she had flung the ring at him.

~flashback~

"Well take this then" She had yelled ripping the small silver ring off her finger and throwing it at him, it had hit him square on the head and look of surprise on his face would almost have been comical if the circumstances were different.

"Go ahead, take it"

"Maria" he broke in softly "It's yours.  It was made for you"

"I don't want it" She yelled the hurt and anger taking over any reason shye had left "I don't want anything, anything around that reminds me of you" She spat

Michael had picked the ring up off the floor, the look of hurt on his face almost made her change her mind.

"Ria" He said softly "Try to understand, I have to do this, I have to leave Roswell, it's suffocating me, I have to go"

Maria felt the rage well up in her again

"Just Go" She spat out angrily "Just GO"

Michael had turned round and left.  She could feel him turn round and stare at her before silently leaving the room.

~end flashback~  
  


Maria studied the ring for another couple of minutes before slipping it on her finger. 

It felt right, almost as if she had come home.

She could almost feel him sitting there watching her. Moving onto the next item, she went to pick up the sketch book when she found her hand drifting towards the letters.

As she picked them up she realised that the address on the first one was her mothers old address and it was addressed to her. 

Maria flicked through the letters.  They were all sealed and they were all addressed to her, from her mothers address, right up to her present address where she had lived for the past year. Maria opened the first letter and started to read   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Hey PixieGirl,   
  
How have you been.   
  
I'm in New York just now, it's cold and the people suck, but hey, where don't they.   
  
Ok I guess you're still not speaking to me. I can't say I blame you.

I know I let you down, running out on you like that, you probably hate me for it. But damn pixie girl I told you.  I did you know I told you from day one I couldn't get intense, I warned you it was a mistake, but did you listen. No like hell you Maria De Luca, you're bigger than the rules you just jumped right in there with no thought or care as to what happened.  I could have stopped it.  I should have stopped.  But I didn't want to, the time I spent with you was too special to be ruined.

I told Max one time that I would end up hurting you, that just being who I am would hurt you, I guess I was right wasn't I, if it means anything I never wanted to, hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted.   
  
I guess what I'm trying to say here is I'm sorry, sorry for hurting you.   
  
I'm not sorry for loving you though, I could never be sorry for that, I think a part of me has always loved you and I knew I always will.   
  
Ok, I better sign off before this gets too sappy,   
  
I love you pixie, I'll talk to you soon.   
  
Your Cheesehead.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maria smiled as she tried to blink away the tears.

She placed the letter down reverently beside her as she picked up the next one.

As the afternoon progressed, she managed to get through 63 letters, some short, some long, some of them were chatty, some loving, there were even souvenirs with some of them, remnants of the places he had been, the things he had seen. 

Through the letters she could picture Michael's travels, she felt his fear and loneliness and she felt just how much he had missed her.   
  
She had always wondered if he had missed her as much as she had missed him, now she knew but it didn't make her feel any better, if anything she felt worse, so many wasted years, so much they could have had, could have shared. Maria looked down and realised she had come to the last letter in the box. As she opened the letter up she noticed the date, June 25th, the date he had gone to see Mr Beadsworth, the date he had… Maria shook her head as if to clear of of the thoughts filling her mind, she turned her attention back to the letter and began to read.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Hey Pixie Girl   
  
Short letter this time.

I got an appointment in about 20 minutes.  A lawyer, I'm going to see a lawyer, go figure, anyways I heard a song on the radio today.

It's one of those cheesy pop songs from the 90's that I used to hate, but when I heard it, it kind of said everything I've been trying to say with my letters so I put the lyrics on the back. You should try and find it, it's one of those soppy love songs you used to pretend that you didn't like but probably listened to while alone in your room.   
  
I'm going to have to dive off right now I'll try and make my next letter a bit longer, what can I say my life has gotten boring of late, talk to you soon.   
  
Love Always   
  
Your Cheesehead   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Maria turned over the paper to read the song that had caught Michael's attention,   
  
As she started to read it, she could almost place the song in her head.

~~~~

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind   
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time  
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)   
How it could be now or neither been (or neither been)   
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know   
  
  
Chorus   
  
I never had a dream come true   
Till that day that I found you   
Even though I pretend that I've moved on   
You'll always be my baby   
I never felt the words to say   
You're the one I think about each day  
And I know no matter where life takes me to   
A part of me will always be with you   
  
  
Somewhere in my memory I lost all sense of time   
And so my road can never be 'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind  
There's no use looking back or wondering   
How it should be now or neither been (or neither been)   
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go   
  
  
Chorus   
  
You'll always be the dream that fills my head  
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, baby  
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget   
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)   
Because love is a strange and funny thing   
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye No no no no   
  
  
Chorus   
  
A part of me will always be with you...   
~~~~~

  
Maria placed the letter on the top of the others, typical Michael, he never failed to surprie her. The song had echoed everything he had said in his letters.  His love for her.  His longing for her.  It was beautiful.  Maria resolved to go out tomorrow and find a copy of the record.

As she placed the letters reverently back in place her eyes fell on the last item in the box the sketch pad.  She recognised it the amount of different times she had seen Michael scribble in it.  It was thick and heavy as she lifted it out of the box.

As she reached in she thought of all the times she had asked Michael to see inside his pad, he would never let her see it and now she finally had the chance to, she didn't know if she wanted to, she already felt so drained from the letters.   
  
Oh well, it's now or never.

Maria opened the book at the first page, the first drawing was of her, dressed as Tinkerbell for the 5th Grade Halloween. She remembered how obsessed Michael had been about her wings. He had caught every detail perfectly from her long springy curls to the gleam of mischief in her eyes. She could almost see the glitter on her face sparkling.   
  
She turned to the next picture to find a drawing of her covered in potato at their Thanksgiving dinner at the Crashdown.  The next was her wearing Lizzie's Angel costume with the glittery modifications she had made to it.   
  
As she flicked trough the book it was like watching her life, but through his eyes and in his eyes she wasn't plain old Maria DeLuca.  She was alive, sparkling, special. 

But as much as she enjoyed all of the pictures, it was the later pictures that held the most interest for her.   
  
These ones weren't drawn from memory but from imagination. Every secret dream she had ever had, Michael had too. 

There was one of her and Michael on their wedding day her looking radiant in a beautiful long dress, her hair in ringlets around her face.  Him looking down at her, love shining from his eyes. 

One of them holding their child.  Michael cradling both of them in his arms a look of utter contentment on his face. 

Their child's first day at school. Standing tall in her uniform, bright green eyes shining out of her face, messy brown hair falling in messy ringlets.   
  
Their family at Christmas.  Her, Michael, the small messy haired girl and a gorgous blond haired baby boy, sitting around a Sparkling tree, ripping open presents, joy and laughter written on their faces.  
  
It was like looking at the life she had always wanted. Before Maria could stop herself she had thrown the book across the room.   
  
As the sobs started to break free from her throat she curled herself up on the chair. She cried for what seemed like hours. Cried for the life she never had, the family she never had, for the dreams and love that had never been allowed to be.   
  
She didn't understand it, Why did he run away, if he had wanted this as badly as she had then why had he thrown it all away.   
  
Deep down she knew why, nothing had scared Michael more than needing someone, not even loneliness.   
  
She knew sooner or later she would have to stop crying, and she would.

Soon, she would stop.  She would get up and put the letters and sketch book back in the box, and she would move on with her life.   
  
But not right now, right now she wanted to keep crying, for the love she had lost, for the life she had lost and for the lost lonely little boy who would rather have died, than ever really live.   
  
~Finis~   
  
"Love letters straight from your heart  
Keep us so near while apart"


End file.
